Photo by cottonbro studio
If you live with an alcoholic husband or have a partner who’s been seeing someone behind your back, perhaps it is time to consider that divorce and finding closure is an option.
There is life beyond marriage. In other words, people don’t need to be anchored down and grow stagnant because of marriage. While it is ingrained in our heads that tying the knot is something that is eternal, it is anything but. It is a wonderful thing to be immersed in a relationship and grow better as a person because of it–many people do so. And we should be happy that it occurs even in this very turbulent world.
Yet, sometimes, we have to face the fact that there are marriages and there are relationships that simply do not work.
And it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault. Sometimes, people are only compatible when they are dating and not in marriage, and the same is true for the opposite–and it is quite tricky to decipher which is which.
When It’s Time to Part Ways
Ending a marriage is not a light decision; divorce is perhaps one of the most challenging and difficult situations that a person can find themselves in. Yet, it is often the best option for some couples, especially when it is clear that there is one party that refuses to either change or account for their actions.
A serious example would be infidelity. Cheating is a major betrayal of trust–and for virtually everyone, outside of those who do it as a mean and loathsome habit, it can be a very difficult thing to forgive. It is seldom a good thing to cross that line and break your spouse’s trust.
There is also abuse. No one should burden themselves with a marriage that will not push them forward, nor should you take it upon yourself to try and fix something that keeps hurting you. Everyone deserves a happy home, and if things proceed otherwise, you have to protect yourself.
Another thing that tells us that it’s time to part ways is addiction. If your spouse has fallen into a vice, whether it’s drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc., and you find no way of pulling them out (and in most cases, they refuse to pull themselves out), then there is nowhere else to go but leave, if you are within means. To live with an alcoholic husband or with a profligate wife is exhausting, to say the least, and you are not obligated to take care of them their whole life if that is the case.
Mutual Reasons for Parting Ways
While most divorces happen because of the inability of one party to change for the better, there are rare occasions when the decision is mutual (although no less difficult).
Sometimes, people are quite passionate in the dating stage but discover that they clash with each other within the context of marriage. This incompatibility can manifest in many areas, e.g., values, goals, etc., and if it is obvious that you cannot reconcile with one another, perhaps it is time to consider divorce.
Then, there are marriages that are only great for a time but are spent after. This can be for many reasons, but it’s usually because, well, sometimes, the love is either gone or both parties have realized they want a change in their lives. This is not as catastrophic as it sounds. Sometimes, a good marriage lasts only for a while. Keeping up with forever can be difficult to do, and when it becomes too hard to do so, it is easier to just let go.
Finding Closure for Yourself
Ending any marriage is a time of great grief, loss, and uncertainty. It is also a time to reflect on the past and plan for the future; as such, it is important to start finding closure.
Finding closure is one of the most important things you can do after a marriage ends because this means coming to a place of acceptance and understanding about the relationship and its ending. It does not mean you will forget your ex-spouse or never feel sad about losing the connection. However, it does mean you can move on with your life without being held back by the past.
- Allow yourself to grieve. It is essential to allow yourself time and space to grieve the loss of your marriage.
- Reflect on the relationship. Once you have had some time to grieve, reflecting on the association and its ending can be helpful.
- Forgive yourself and your ex-spouse. Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened in the relationship; it is about letting go of anger and resentment to move on with your life.
- Make a plan for the future. Once you have found closure, it is time to live your life as you wish.